Monday, September 12, 2005

Then again, maybe not

Being a graduate student for the past 6 years has left me with one defining and undesirable character trait - I am completely unsure of myself. I just cannot trust my own judgement on anything. This has come from years of conditioning to question everything, and that most things I say are just plain wrong. Nevermind that this is mostly subjective wrongness, as determined by my advisor, wrong is wrong. I have developed a loud and omnipresent voice in my mind that questions the veracity, factual basis, and certitude of everything between the moments of conceiving of, and voicing, a thought. As such, I am left with few opinions that I am certain of. This is probably a good thing - as being too hard headed about anything is probably a dangerous position to take. But I also don't trust myself enough to make many definitive statements or take decisive action. This is bothersome. Take this morning for example: I have already emailed back and forth with my friend Adrian a half-dozen times simply on template questions pertaining to this blog. She, incidently, is the same guru that I turn to with knitting questions that I should be able to answer for myself. She is a saint and hasn't refused an answer yet, but I certainly feel like an ass for having to ask for instructions for every little project I want to do. *sigh* Will I ever learn to trust my own judgement again? This, and other frustrations stemming from being an eternal student, will probably surface quite a bit here. I'm feeling particularly wobbly today.

2 comments:

Miss_Critiki said...

Hi! Just popping in to say hi and I like your blog :D

Mwah!
Amber/Skully/Miss Critiki

freethoughtguy said...

You may be addicted to education. (There's worse things to be hooked on!)